Thursday 3 February 2011
Life As We Know It! Wanted: Safe Return of Creative Muse.
Excuse my lack of comical ability this morning, but I am in such a pickle. It seems that I have lost my creative muse. She was last seen in my presence on Tuesday evening at my creative writing class and seemed her usual happy, overactive self, constantly making character assessments of my fellow students for my future reference. Unfortunately she took offence at my creative writing teacher, who informed me that it was very difficult to write humourous pieces and it was highly unlikely that anything I had written would make anyone laugh. With that, my tutor politely declined reading my piece on ‘Bookaholic’s Anonymous’, which I assured her that others had found hilarious. I stood wide eyed and speechless as I watched my muse’s face turn puce and a stream of profanities explode from her mouth, which alas only I could hear. Feeling rather abused by my tutor, she fired pencil sharpenings at her face and then vanished in a puff of exclamation marks.
On arrival home, I burst into tears at the loss of my new found friend. I felt irresponsible at losing her, especially as she had only arrived at my house at Christmas. She had entered my house hidden in one of those fairy notebooks with a fluffy pink pen that makes you sneeze every time you touch your nose with it. I hadn’t realised she was there until she popped out of the pages extremely early one morning as I wrote my morning journals.
I found she was a much better replacement to my previous muse who had spent weeks teaching me the art of procrastination, which I can now say I am an expert at. My new muse is more of a task master and very nocturnal, thinking nothing of nudging me in the middle of the night and flitting in and out of my brain with ideas and lists, which result in my submission and I find myself drearily writing away in my notebook, bleary eyed and desperate to be allowed to go back to sleep.
She has a habit of rendering me speechless when I attempt a conversation with someone who doesn’t include ‘books, reading and writing’ in their daily vocabulary. If the conversation is of no interest to her, she will constantly buzz around in front of my eyes, causing me to become distracted and lose the whole gist of the conversation.
She is at her happiest when I am sitting at my keyboard, pounding away at the keys like a secretary on speed. She doesn’t allow me to snack too often as she knows my food gremlins always attract the attention of an afternoon nap.
She does give me some time out. As long as she is happy that I have written my daily quota she will leave me in peace with some essential reading material. She absolutely adores Twitter as it gives her a chance to chat with other creative muses sitting on the shoulders of established authors.
Since she has left me I find that I am struggling to string a sentence together, let alone write a novel. So I am begging you to help me find her. I know she is sitting somewhere in cyberspace waiting for an apology. You cannot miss her, she looks like Rambo Barbie, all in pink and armed with various writing weapons.
In her absence my husband has encouraged me to try and tease my cleaning fairy out of the airing cupboard, where she has been hidden with a pile of odd socks and a darning needle since the arrival of my creative muse. So I am now off to entice her out of the cupboard with Mr Muscle (furniture polish) and a Jay cloth. Hopefully I can come to some arrangement with her to learn to work alongside my creative muse when she returns.