I have let Kirsty McKay loose on my blog as part of her blog tour! Be prepared to be scared or laugh yourself silly!
Hi, I’m Kirsty McKay, author of UNDEAD, a novel about – amongst other things – zombies. When I was writing the book, lot of folks asked me, why write about zombies? Aren’t they a bit slow, sad and pathetic? Why no, I said. They are as hard as nails, and no mistake. And to prove it – and to celebrate the UK release of UNDEAD - I present my Zombie Smackdown Top Five:
1 Zombie vs Vampires
No messing, let’s dive straight in with the classic smackdown. In truth, I’m not sure it should be a classic, because it seems so obvious that zoms should win. Believe me, I love me a vampire. Not the soppy sort that play baseball in the thunder - I’ve always been more Buffy than Bella – but have you seen this guy?
Doesn’t get much scarier than that. However, scary aside, all vampires do is bite lil’ weenie holes in yer neck. Oh yeah, and glower. Zombies tear chunks of flesh from bone with their gnashers. They rip out guts. They EAT BRAINS. Even vampires can’t defend themselves against that. Granted, vamps are faster and (arguably) stronger, but there’s no time limit on this smackdown. Give zoms a few days, weeks, years, and logically they will just wear the suckers down and chomp the crap out of the vamps until they’re in lots of little demonic pieces.
But anyway, watch this:
OK, so what you don’t see is that afterwards they continue the fight and the Zombie totally wins. I promise. So,
2 Zombie vs Sharks
Two of my favourite scaries in one place! I got so excited when I saw this the first time, I almost did a little pee:
Sharks would win! OK, so zombies don’t need to breathe and they can cope with losing their limbs, but this is basically a chompfest and sharks definitely have the edge when it comes to mouth size.
And, for that matter, appetite. Zoms aren’t known for their love of seafood. Your average zombie would be floating around stupidly, preoccupied with the sand or some random rock formation and how it sparked a cloudy half-memory of a holiday way back when his brain was not so befuddled, and that big ol’ fish would just swim up and crunch his head off.
But either way – you and me, we’re gonna need a bigger boat.
3 Zombies vs Justin Bieber
We’d all like to see this one. (Except for a large number of tween/teen/middle-age-crisis females who were never going to buy UNDEAD anyway, so I think my potential readership/life is reasonably safe.)
And I’m not the only one to have thought about The Biebs in relation to the Undead.
But I reckon Justin’s still toast. And if you don’t believe me, watch this:
There we have it. Conclusive evidence.
Winner: Zombies. (Or Bieber fans, if there are enough of them at any given moment. Which there probably are.)
4 Zombies vs Japanese Children
I would like to make it absolutely clear I did not just pick this one out of the air. It is a THING:
Oh my gosh.
‘I will absolutely destroy you!’
So the only smackdown I’d like to see here is me vs the producers of this show. I’ll show them what to do with the ruddy clingfilm and the Tabasco.
5 Zombies vs Teletubbies
Again, again, again!
Winner: Teletubbies (When they have shotguns. But unarmed? They can surely irritate the Undead to Undeath. Zombie mass suicide.)
So there we have it. Zombies win, most of the time. They ARE the monstas with the mostest! But if you want to read about the ultimate Zombie Smackdown, pick up a copy of UNDEAD and see how a bunch of kids on a school trip match up to the hordes! You might be surprised…
Much thanks to Viv at Serendipity Reviews for hosting me. Check out my Facebook page, Twitter and website for more about zombies, UNDEAD and me – and come and see me present FRIGHT NIGHT with authors such as Charlie Higson, Darren Shan and William Hussey at Bath Kid’s Literary Festival on Friday September 30th.
Next stop on the tour - the fabulous Readaraptor - go check out Raimy's blog tomorrow.
Links to find out more about Kirsty:
Website http://www.kirstymckay.com/ FRIGHT NIGHT http://www.bathkidslitfest.org.uk/events.aspx?y=2011&d=30092011 ]