Last week I told you how much I loved Royal Street by Suzanne Johnson. Well I was lucky enough to be asked by the lovely team at Headline if I would like to feature a guest post from the enigmatic and rather sexy Jean Lafitte. Who am I to say no?
Talk Like a Pirate: A Guest Post by Jean Lafitte, member of the Historical Undead
(As transcribed by Suzanne Johnson, author of Royal Street, in which Jean Lafitte appears as himself.
Bonjour, mes amies. Je m’appelle Jean…Bah. You wish this to be in English?
(Snarls at the lowly author transcribing his words onto a laptop, who nods.)
Very well. My name is Jean Lafitte, and in the year 1806, as a young man of twenty-six, I arrived in the city of New Orleans—Nouvelle Orleans sounds so much nicer, do you not think?
(Lowly author nods, since she has learned it’s much easier to just agree with whatever he says.)
Within a decade, I became the most famous privateer to sail the waters of the Gulf of Mexico and had a thousand men at my command on the coast of Louisiana. No one dared enter our waters without fear of our cannon and our fleet of armed ships.
(Lowly author pipes up: Most people know you as a pirate.)
Bah. History has called me a pirate, but I simply took what belonged to the Spanish, and they are mongrels, oui? You must stop interrupting me, Jolie.
(Lowly author swoons slightly at the endearment, issued in a deep, husky baritone with sexy accent.)
Now, where was I? Ah, oui. I was quite the handsome man, tall and well-formed, and many women wished to enjoy my company. As I am quite kind and considerate, I attempted to accommodate as many as possible.
(Lowly author rolls eyes.)
Of course, my human life reached an unfortunate end. But imagine my surprise when—voila!—I was given a second, immortal life through the power of human memory. Now, I am one of a group of formerly famous individuals known as the Historical Undead.
What do I do with my unlimited time, one might ask? This is my current difficulty. The borders between the Beyond, where I live along with other members of the Historical Undead (as well as such unsavory creatures as vampires and elves), are enforced by wizards. If I wish to enter modern New Orleans to conduct business or enjoy the company of a young lady, I must wait for someone with magical abilities to summon me.
Often, these are strange young people who expect me to look like someone they call “Johnny Depp” or “Jack Sparrow.” I do not know these blackguards, although I issue an open invitation to duel with this Captain Sparrow or Monsieur Depp should either be brave enough to face me.
(Lowly author considers trying to explain such newfangled things as movies, but decides against it.)
Once I am summoned, the local wizard sentinel then chases me down and sends me back to the Beyond without delay. How is a privateer to conduct business when he must constantly elude capture by a wizard?
Yet I have devised a plan. The current sentinel, an arrogant and unreasonable peasant of a wizard named Gerald St. Simon, has a young protégée—she is quite lovely, I am told, and I believe would be susceptible to my considerable charmes romantique. Her name is Drusilla, although she chooses to go by the unfortunate sobriquet of DJ. Bah—those are alphabet letters, not a name.
(Lowly author rolls her eyes again—she’s heard this tirade before.)
Nonetheless, the next time some human with magical talent summons Captain Jack Sparrow to New Orleans, I shall arrive and arrange to meet the lovely young wizardess in a remote location. Perhaps to woo her first with my considerable charmes d’amour, and then with a business proposition she will be unable to refuse. For to refuse the famous pirate Jean Lafitte? It could be deadly, n’est-ce pas?
(Lowly author points out that if he kills the heroine of this urban fantasy series, it will be a very short series indeed.)
And there you have it, my friends. The famous Jean Lafitte will seduce the young wizardess, secure a place in the modern world, and resume his business of privateering on the Gulf of Mexico. Bon chance.
Now how would you like to win a copy of Royal Street by Suzanne Johnson?
Well Headline are offering one copy to one of my lucky readers. The competition is for UK residents only I'm afraid as the publisher are sending it direct. To enter, fill in the form below.
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