Friday, 6 May 2016

Writing Words - Sense of Urgency

Firstly this week's discussion, goes off the rails a little, but it does come back to writing, so please stick with it. 

Lately I've become more aware of my own mortality. That sounds morbid I know, but I don't want to shy away from it.  I  don't normally give it a second thought, but since Christmas, it has played heavily on my mind.

As a child I was haunted by death. I grew up in a large extended family where death knocked on our door on a regular basis. I was an inquisitive child and normally guessed what had happened long before I was told. I spent most of my childhood scared that my parents would die before I had chance to grow up. I'm truly grateful that they are both healthy and still with me now. 

As I grew older, I learned to block death out. I built a wall that stopped me from venturing towards those dark thoughts. But in the last few months, that wall has started to crumble. Since Christmas, there's has hardly been a week where I haven't been informed of someone I know passing away. My Facebook friend's list is starting to read like an obituary column. Many of those who have died have been the same age as me and that's beginning to scare the crap out of me.

I guess you're wondering what this all has to do with writing and why would I talk about it here. Well it has a lot to do with writing, because this rediscovered  awareness is creating a sense of urgency in me. All I've ever wanted to do since I was a child is write and yet here I am, getting older and I'm still not where I want to be. 

What if I don't make it? 
What if something happens to me before I can finally get an agent? 
What if don't ever get published?

 Quite frankly that scares me and send rocket fuel through my veins. My insides are churning with anxiety and suddenly I have to write. I have to get this done, because it is something that has to be achieved before I die. I don't want to have regrets. Life is too short to have regrets and this will be my biggest one if I don't finally succeed.

Am I the only writer to feel like this? 


Weekly Achievements
Not a bad week, but I still need to find more time to write. 
Up to 16,420 in words with the new project.
Half way through my book map for my chapter book. Also came up with lots of ideas to make this into a series. 

If anything, my awareness is kicking me in the right direction. I've started to adopt the methods of Miracle Morning, which are really giving me the determined focus I need. I will tell you more about that next week, as I want to get a wider view of the effect they are having on me. 

5 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean, this pocket of my life is brutal too in terms of dwelling on mortality - plus I always have this terrible feeling that some person somehow exactly like me is about to steal my spot and erupt into a literary phenomenon...

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    Replies
    1. Yes! And when someone has a similar plot line to yours too.

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  2. Wow I could have written this. I am feeling the same way. Now I need my pal Hal to kick me into shape. x

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    Replies
    1. Hal forgot to get me up in time this morning.

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  3. I have the exact same feeling every time I'm in the process of writing a book. And such a feeling of relief when it's over.

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